69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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