Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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