how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
