Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no you cant smoke seaweed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
