Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
