I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
