It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
