everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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