id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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