Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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