i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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