Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize