just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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