Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
