I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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