My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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