Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
