woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
