You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No subtext here. People are naked.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dick very happy bro
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize