I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
