wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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