Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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