You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
