sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
