Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
