Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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