I looked at my own cervix.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
