there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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