Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let's paint friendship bongs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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