walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize