He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize