Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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