dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
