Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
