I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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