Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You pole danced in your parka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
