K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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