gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
