Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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