nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Who died my cat blue again?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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