trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
