We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
