yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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