hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
