Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
