Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
