in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
