Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
