just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
