Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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