Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
