Yo dont text me then not text me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
