...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
