Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
