I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
