It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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