Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
