You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he puts the penis in happiness.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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