I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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