just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
