If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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