I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
