You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
