I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
