Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
