burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
