She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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