she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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