I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
